The guy sitting across from me is a professing and practicing Christian. He drops by my office unannounced today to talk to me about his new online dating life. Specifically, he wants to talk about the over-willingness of Christian women he has encountered on several of his dates who want to jump right from a very public conversation and vanilla latte at Starbucks to very private whispers and physical exchanges between the sheets back at his place.
Usually this gender scenario is reversed, but the sex, love and dating landscape continues to move in a progressively liberal direction among Christians without any solid indicators that it will change anytime soon. Both sexes today, across all ages and Christian demographics, are prone to compartmentalize their faith away from their sexual life.
While Christian singles report praying and church attendance are highly desirable qualities in the dating matrix, a troubling and confusing dichotomy arises when the issue of sex before marriage presents itself. Specifically, single Christians enter a sexual fog. That fog clouds and hides the reality that an identity rooted in Christ should manifest itself in intelligent and hope-filled sexual restraint based on God’s promises and instead replaces it with fear and pride-filled choices based on some other promise they believe more.
In a recent study conducted by ChristianMingle.com, Christian singles between the ages of 18 to 59 were asked, “Would you have sex before marriage?” The response? Sixty-three percent of the single Christian respondents indicated yes. In my 30 years of youth and adult ministry experience, this is as unfiltered, direct and honest as a question and answer can be.
It is equally honest to say that nearly nine out of 10 self-proclaimed single Christians are, in practice, sexual atheists. In other words, God has nothing to say to them on that subject of any consequence or, at least, anything meaningful enough to dissuade them from following their own course of conduct. It is the ultimate oxymoron. A person who at once believes in a wise, sovereign and loving God who created them and all things, can also believe simultaneously He should not, cannot or will not inform their thinking or living sexually. It reminds me of those famous red letters in Luke’s Gospel where Jesus says, “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord’ and do not do what I say?” (Luke 6:46, NIV). There is disconnect between identity and activity.
If you let the paint mentally dry on the statistic above and the perception about God it reflects for a moment, perhaps my contention of sexual atheism won’t seem so far-fetched. No amount of hand-wringing at the many-headed hydra of the entertainment world or raucous deploring of immoral political philosophies invading our nation can explain this one. No, our life in God and for our God reflects our real view of God. These are our adults who populate our weekend services, attend our Bible studies, download our podcast messages, pray often and who have Jesus Culture, TobyMac and Maroon 5 in their playlists. Having tracked this trend among youth for decades, it is no surprise to me that the broad spectrum of single adults—yesterday’s youth—both feel and act this way. We should really make an effort to not be too shocked or surprised.
Jesus Himself said it would trend this way. The apostle Paul forewarned the very single, very godly Timothy that there would be times in his ministry when clear and sound doctrine in Scripture would be defeated by broken culture teaming up with the ever-present and self-serving nature within every Christian. He accurately forecasted a self-styled Christianity that reflected culture over the character of Christ in personal moral spaces and practice.
And nothing, from any frame of reference, is more personal and more moral than our choices regarding sexual expression. It’s where the spiritual rubber really hits the road. But interestingly, Paul’s counsel to Timothy for that time when he saw these trends manifesting on a grand scale was this: “Be serious about everything, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry” (2 Tim. 4:5, HCSB). Solid, timely and reliable advice like this was needed then and is really needed now.
As God’s men and women, as fathers and mothers, as pastors and lay ministers and as loving brothers and sisters, we too must keep our heads clear. We must do our work in the midst of this attack on the body of Christ and fulfill our ministries in the midst of this spiritual battle. We must faithfully and directly speak into the relevant spiritual and practical themes that are at the root of the issue instead of wasting our time bemoaning the symptoms these statistics represent. We must graciously but prophetically call out the shortsightedness of Christians who are borrowing trouble sexually and sinning against God and others in the process through our messaging and ministries. We must confront ourselves and our brothers and sisters with the veracity, authority and loving transparency of Scripture, which reflects God’s love and wisdom in life-saving and marriage-saving ways. That is, we must point out the truth that if I am undisciplined sexually before marriage and willing to compromise my convictions before marriage, a wedding ring will not make me disciplined after marriage. But most importantly and practically, we must avail ourselves of the ministries, tools and resources that are speaking into this clearly massive hole of spiritual life and practice among our single brothers and sisters.
The love, sex and dating forecast among adult single believers for the foreseeable future is this: cloudy with a chance of fear and pride. Instead of believing that God knows better, Christian adults will believe they know how to meet their needs better or, on the more arrogant end, that they know better when it comes to sex and dating, period.
To say that professing or self-described Christians are becoming more liberal means that their reference point for assessing and practicing sexuality is more cultural and personal rather than biblical or spiritual. It means that they possess a low view of God and Scripture and a high view of self and culture as the key drivers of their moral and sexual behavior.
Practical sexual atheism among Christians says God can speak into some things but not sex. This ultimate expression of self-deception and loss of mind goes all the way back to the garden, when a certain character asked Adam and Eve: “Did God really say that?” They took the bait and, apparently, so are the majority of single Christians in the garden of love, sex and dating. They are listening to the voice that says, “Eat and have your eyes opened.” Like the first couple, God’s single men and women are letting fear win over faith and curiosity win over Christ with inevitable and untold prices to pay.
But it is not a time to act high and mighty. It is time to act graciously but truthfully with our single brothers and sisters. For they, along with us, will have that moment in front of the living Christ, and we want that moment to be the best it can possibly be. To realize such an epic and eternal moment, we not only have to pray for them, but we also have to equip them practically with the best possible teachings and tools that serve to restore a vision of God that transforms them in their context. We have to engage the culture, not run.
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Power of One
the_power_of_oneThe majority of problems plaguing our society stem from the breakdown of the home. Bad marriages, divorce, and immorality has caused the breakdown of the home and thus created a moral decline in our society. But if we were to make better decisions while being single, we would make better choices when choosing a mate, be in a better place before we say “I do”, and alleviate many of the problems that our society is facing.
The key to changing it all lies in the heart of the single person. When you tap into the power of your oneness as a single, you will change your future and become a better person, spouse, parent, and believer.
In this powerful DVD, G. Craige Lewis gives single believers information that will empower them to be stronger, wiser and make better decisions in their singleness.
This will help single believers become better fit for the Kingdom of God and their future marriages and families. But it all starts with the Power of ONE
Even thought this article spoke about sex as the topic at hand within the masses of sins, it spoke to me. I mean honestly, think about it. Like James said, if you know what it right to do and still choose not to do it, you are sinning in the eyes of God (might be James 4, don’t know where to cite this exactly). In the end, what is important to note here is the fact that any sin that one engages in as a Christian and whether or not it is a result of backsliding, which I suffer from admittedly though not in premarital-sex, it is still important to address the “lies” we tell our selves and to stop engaging in sin entirely, no excuses. And we must also admit (as I am doing here) the cold hard fact that sometimes we tell God that we will not do as he has commanded in us through the conviction of the Holy Spirit and we will engage in whatever sin he has commanded us not to do. But what the article doesn’t address is that sometimes when you do feel convicted and know that you are wrong in the midst of your sin, sometimes when you are discussing with others, some of whom do not know the judgment of Christ, they will try to dissuade you from changing from the sin by saying, well Jesus (or just say God as if Jesus is NOT really GOD) is a loving God, do you really think that we will not let you do something overall good even it if does has a few spots of dirt in its midst. I just want to say here that whether those voices are in your head or you are hearing someone say these things don’t fall for them and stay convicted. And if you do fall into sin and turn away don’t be like me and turn from God in shame, repent and really submit to God. Don;t taste the goodness of God and be in sin, Hebrews 6:4-6 is something that pops in mind when thinking about this. This might be too strong, but its the antiseptic that I think for myself, I really need to think about.
Here is a small prayer for you and me:
I just hope y’all pray for me/you that Jesus (yet again, smh) gives me/you another chance and doesn’t shun me/you away for eternity for I/we know I/we have NOT won this race like Paul did and I/we honestly feel like I/we am/are fading away from the path. I/we pray that you cast from us the desire and draw of the world. Take away whatever curiosity there is in anyone for the world, because CONSISTENTLY it fails to satisfy like the righteousness and JOY we find in Christ Jesus. Forgive me/us Father for deliberately turning our hearts away from your instruction for we know that we have lost your presence and sit in shame and heads fallen because of it. Most importantly forgive those of who know better and still were deceived. For we know now that the devil really desires the highly elect of your flock and I break this curse today in Jesus name, Amen.
Sorry for the long post, I felt it had to be done.
PRAISE THE LORD SIS, THE LORD IS GATHERING HIS ELECT FROM THE FOUR ENDS OF THE EARTH… WE CAN DO WELL TO STUDY THE “TRANSFORMATION OF PETER” HE WENT FROM FAILURE TO VICTORIOUS…. LET US PICK OURSELVES UP SHAKE OFF THE DUST AND WALK IN HOLINESS…THE TRAIN TRULY IS MOVING, GODBLESS